A few days back, during one of our usually long phone conversations, Mum and I were talking about women who've done something better in their life than being a good housewife, and our conversation steered toward a cousin of mine who's a Magistrate 1st Class at the District Court. Mum went on and on about how she lives in a Government-sanctioned bungalow, has a car that's sponsored by the Government and has a chauffeur and an entire army of house-helps. She was also the youngest recruit to join the judiciary at the time. I couldn't help but feel immensely and strangely proud of someone I barely knew. I thought that it was great that she was being treated as equal to men in a small town and had the same opportunities. Well, as they say, poorly based hopes are short-lived.
While an esteemed member of the state judiciary, my cousin faces gender bias everyday at the hands of her chauffeur. The chauffeur addresses her as 'Sir.' When she tried to get him to call her 'Ma'am', the chauffeur bluntly refused to do so. Turns out, he could not stand the idea of "serving" a woman and nurses his ego by living in denial. This was just the start of my amusement. She also suffers a cold shoulder from her husband who cannot stand his wife being more successful and better-paid than him. He finds it unacceptable that his wife enjoys a higher professional status. The male lawyers who come to her courtroom are often ill-prepared and sometimes only send their junior associates to argue. They lack the courtesy to bow to a woman (courtroom manners) and forget all their etiquette while pleading their case before her. She is forced to push hearings back or hear a case that is almost two-hours away from the scheduled hearing. Her bailiffs have finally warmed up to her but that was hard-earned, too. And all of this for one reason- she's a woman.
Take the example of Julia Gillard, the Prime Minister of Australia. Recently, she was described as "small breasts, huge thighs and a big red box" on a fundraiser food menu that served Julia Gillard Kentucky Fried Quail. The fundraiser was organized by the Liberal Party, the contenders against Gillard's party for the next elections. I fail to fathom how the guests digested the misogyny if not the food. A woman's dignity- of a smart, independent, educated, powerful woman- was ripped apart and served as a joke and the first response of the Liberals was, "We thought it would be funny. It was the work of a junior employee." What if the PM was a man? How would the Liberals take him down? Certainly his "junk" wouldn't be in question. Because that's just not how men play politics against men. It's not funny. But commenting on a woman's breasts and thighs is.
When I was in Law School, we once had a debate on equal opportunities for men and women. To my surprise, many guys were of the view that women should not be allowed to work in the same positions as men as they are throwing many men out of jobs and it's more important that men have jobs. (No really, true story. How can I ever forget?) To me, that's like saying that a smart kid shouldn't be allowed to take the test because it's unfair to the others as he'll obviously score more and make the other kids look bad. To that I say you have my sympathies but why don't you work harder? We have promised equal opportunities for all by law and policy, but on the mindset front many still believe that some of us don't deserve that privilege. Knock knock! Reality, people! It's not a privilege, but a right.
Learn to accept that women are as intellectually capable as men. They can step out, work hard, be someone with their name on the door, and even be your boss. The woman in your department who just got promoted, she worked hard for it and deserved it. If you blame women for creating unemployment for men, you are only trying to pass the buck on someone who hasn't got a clue. You are only dumping your frustrations on someone else for not being able to hold on to a job or even find one, and that is what you do. This reminds me of the report on witch hunting in Papua New Guinea I read some time back. Whenever somebody dies in a village, of natural causes or otherwise, the villagers and the deceased's family sit down together and decide which woman in the village should be held responsible for the death and executed. They do not believe in the inevitability of death and certainly not in the natural causes of it. Generally, a widow with no brothers or sons old enough to protect her is named a witch and executed in terrifying ways. Sometimes the execution can go on for days while the victim is stripped down and tied to a tree and then is pelted with stones, slashed with blades, burned slowly over spit fires or beaten with clubs to a slow death bone by bone. Researchers believe that the rising number of "witch killings" are a result of increasing unemployment. Men have no jobs, no money, no respect and no opportunities. And they blame women for it. There are many gangs of gun-yielding young men in PNG who are only occupied with raping and killing women and the higher the count of victims, the higher the respect and fear for them. It's a cult. Like the cult of misogyny where women are seen as objects to comment on or inferior beings who can't work like men or the reason behind unemployment of men.
You must have seen movies like "What a girl wants" or "What women want." Those are just movies that portray the popular perception that women want a man who loves her, they want diamonds, or they want a big wedding. But the truth is that women want respect. That's all we want. But how do we get it? If we stay home and take care of the household, pack your lunch and make you dinner, and take care of the kids, all we hear is, "What do you know about the world outside? All you do is sit at home while I slog my ass off at work to earn enough for us." If we step out, go to college and get a job, we hear, "Oh, she got the job because of her ass," "She got that promotion because she slept with you know who," "She's a woman. She can't do that job. Who put here there?"
The problem is not that I am a woman. The problem is that you can't accept that I'm a woman. I am educated, inspired, smart, creative, better than half the men at my work place and let's face it- I am a woman. And I wasn't born to appear in Playboy or Bond movies or to work in such professions that you think are suitable for my sex. I am not just about breasts and ass. I am about brains and challenge. Accept it. The next time you see me walking by your desk at office, don't look at my skirt. Look at my work. Don't despise me because I'm good at my job, rather learn from me. Treat me with respect and I'll return the courtesy.
P.S. I had to say this not just to men but also to women.
While an esteemed member of the state judiciary, my cousin faces gender bias everyday at the hands of her chauffeur. The chauffeur addresses her as 'Sir.' When she tried to get him to call her 'Ma'am', the chauffeur bluntly refused to do so. Turns out, he could not stand the idea of "serving" a woman and nurses his ego by living in denial. This was just the start of my amusement. She also suffers a cold shoulder from her husband who cannot stand his wife being more successful and better-paid than him. He finds it unacceptable that his wife enjoys a higher professional status. The male lawyers who come to her courtroom are often ill-prepared and sometimes only send their junior associates to argue. They lack the courtesy to bow to a woman (courtroom manners) and forget all their etiquette while pleading their case before her. She is forced to push hearings back or hear a case that is almost two-hours away from the scheduled hearing. Her bailiffs have finally warmed up to her but that was hard-earned, too. And all of this for one reason- she's a woman.
Take the example of Julia Gillard, the Prime Minister of Australia. Recently, she was described as "small breasts, huge thighs and a big red box" on a fundraiser food menu that served Julia Gillard Kentucky Fried Quail. The fundraiser was organized by the Liberal Party, the contenders against Gillard's party for the next elections. I fail to fathom how the guests digested the misogyny if not the food. A woman's dignity- of a smart, independent, educated, powerful woman- was ripped apart and served as a joke and the first response of the Liberals was, "We thought it would be funny. It was the work of a junior employee." What if the PM was a man? How would the Liberals take him down? Certainly his "junk" wouldn't be in question. Because that's just not how men play politics against men. It's not funny. But commenting on a woman's breasts and thighs is.
When I was in Law School, we once had a debate on equal opportunities for men and women. To my surprise, many guys were of the view that women should not be allowed to work in the same positions as men as they are throwing many men out of jobs and it's more important that men have jobs. (No really, true story. How can I ever forget?) To me, that's like saying that a smart kid shouldn't be allowed to take the test because it's unfair to the others as he'll obviously score more and make the other kids look bad. To that I say you have my sympathies but why don't you work harder? We have promised equal opportunities for all by law and policy, but on the mindset front many still believe that some of us don't deserve that privilege. Knock knock! Reality, people! It's not a privilege, but a right.
Learn to accept that women are as intellectually capable as men. They can step out, work hard, be someone with their name on the door, and even be your boss. The woman in your department who just got promoted, she worked hard for it and deserved it. If you blame women for creating unemployment for men, you are only trying to pass the buck on someone who hasn't got a clue. You are only dumping your frustrations on someone else for not being able to hold on to a job or even find one, and that is what you do. This reminds me of the report on witch hunting in Papua New Guinea I read some time back. Whenever somebody dies in a village, of natural causes or otherwise, the villagers and the deceased's family sit down together and decide which woman in the village should be held responsible for the death and executed. They do not believe in the inevitability of death and certainly not in the natural causes of it. Generally, a widow with no brothers or sons old enough to protect her is named a witch and executed in terrifying ways. Sometimes the execution can go on for days while the victim is stripped down and tied to a tree and then is pelted with stones, slashed with blades, burned slowly over spit fires or beaten with clubs to a slow death bone by bone. Researchers believe that the rising number of "witch killings" are a result of increasing unemployment. Men have no jobs, no money, no respect and no opportunities. And they blame women for it. There are many gangs of gun-yielding young men in PNG who are only occupied with raping and killing women and the higher the count of victims, the higher the respect and fear for them. It's a cult. Like the cult of misogyny where women are seen as objects to comment on or inferior beings who can't work like men or the reason behind unemployment of men.
You must have seen movies like "What a girl wants" or "What women want." Those are just movies that portray the popular perception that women want a man who loves her, they want diamonds, or they want a big wedding. But the truth is that women want respect. That's all we want. But how do we get it? If we stay home and take care of the household, pack your lunch and make you dinner, and take care of the kids, all we hear is, "What do you know about the world outside? All you do is sit at home while I slog my ass off at work to earn enough for us." If we step out, go to college and get a job, we hear, "Oh, she got the job because of her ass," "She got that promotion because she slept with you know who," "She's a woman. She can't do that job. Who put here there?"
The problem is not that I am a woman. The problem is that you can't accept that I'm a woman. I am educated, inspired, smart, creative, better than half the men at my work place and let's face it- I am a woman. And I wasn't born to appear in Playboy or Bond movies or to work in such professions that you think are suitable for my sex. I am not just about breasts and ass. I am about brains and challenge. Accept it. The next time you see me walking by your desk at office, don't look at my skirt. Look at my work. Don't despise me because I'm good at my job, rather learn from me. Treat me with respect and I'll return the courtesy.
P.S. I had to say this not just to men but also to women.
